If only

So I’ve been trying to write for a few weeks now, and this (write-up) has been particularly sitting here for a time already, since I haven’t felt the whole thing to be fully done yet. Well, not until tonight when I went over it again and finished it.

I am also still working on this new site. (Do take a look at overcastandhazy.com if you have time to spare). And God, I still have so many things to look into. But, if anything, this crisis has taught me how life is short and uncertain, and crude, and should therefore be lived meaningfully.

And it is in the troubles of trying and failing, and trying and failing, and trying new things again that we see life ever more clearly than the days that were.

So here goes.

🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻

If only

She stared at the immaculately blank wall. As if looking intently will help her think clearly. As if doing that for a few more moments will give her enough answers.

But she did anyway, and she closed her eyes and let the air touch her face. It was a rainy afternoon, and she listened to how the rain sang along with the humming of her rusty old blower fan.

She let out a deep sigh and steadied her heavy head against the other wall where she was sitting.

She wished there were a lot more moments like those— rare moments of calm, and surrender.

Of relief from all those ruthless thoughts that besieged her, every single waking day. There were so many of them, and there was only one of her.

What was it that she was supposed to do with them, again?

The days had been very fast, and they had somehow been painstakingly dragging too. It was all a very cruel and confusing cacophony.

So this is how it feels when the world suddenly swerves, and stops, and then totally spins out of control.

This is how it feels when uncertainty has you cornered in a strange and dark cranny, and you have nowhere else to run.

This was THAT nightmare that we all thought would never come.

She closed her eyes again and let the moment drown and envelope her, along with the many troubles that had been weighing her all her life.

If only moments like those stayed forever.

If only some things lingered a little longer.

🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻

Stay faithful, my friends.