It’s not about you

Hello, my friends, how are you? I just had my birthday, yay, cheers! 🥳 and I hope you’re all doing fine.

So I’m here, staring at my screen with a cup of warm milk and rolled oats, thinking about what we had discussed in ethics class tonight.

It seems to me that Monday evenings now, until the end of this sem, will have to be a personal therapy for me as I have to evaluate my own set of prejudices, and values, and belief systems in class, and be ready for whatever it is that is to come.

“It’s not about you!”

Doc (our good professor) said. That line seemed to have stuck with everybody else too tonight, and it highlighted even more the immaculate listening silence that the class has been on for some time as Doc was talking.

I could feel the energy of everybody intently listening like I was. And I had nothing else more to say or do than to agree and take part in the strangely touching shared solemnity of the whole class this evening. Haha.

We were talking about psych ethical dilemmas, as we always do on Mondays. And we were particularly drawn to this unnamed case of a sole practitioner assigned to an area who chose to refuse giving help to a group because he/she felt he/she might be deeply biased against that group and in the end may only cause harm.

It was a good call, a safe one, but it was layered, and problematic still. That was what I had felt strongly as I thought about it.

“I can’t force you to unlearn your personal belief systems and put yourself out there just like that, class. But when the time comes, you really have to think about the entirety of it.” Doc said too.

“Where and how do you even draw the line?” One classmate asked, which was perhaps what we all were asking in our heads too.

It’s not about you.

I know.

I know deep in my heart it isn’t, and it shouldn’t be. But I guess I needed the reminder tonight, really. That however a day ends, it’s true that it should always go back to me, but it also has to go on further and be beyond me.

It’s not about me, after all.

“Own your feelings, explore your belief systems, examine and own your values, AND make sure they are yours.”

I had to laugh with Doc (in my head), because I realized that as she said that, I had to tell myself, “Oh wow, aiz, so that’s actually how you draw that line.”

If you come to think about it, it does take a lot of looking in, before a person can even attempt to start looking out for another.

Haaay.

I guess I’ll nurse these thoughts for a while, and hope to see them bloom and grow in the Monday evenings that are still to come.

Ahhhh, and who would’ve thought I’d be in school again now too, pondering over ethics class. haha.

I guess it’s true what they say, that like the moon and all its phases, everything has its own beautiful time.

** I’m referring to the moon tonight because I just finished this KDrama series Hotel Del Luna haha. Which maybe deserves another blog post, but I’m not really sure if I still have the energy for it now because I’ve been bawling over it while watching, so maybe someday soon. haha. 😅

Anyway, stay faithful my friends. Stay safe too. 🌻