Happy New Year, universe!

I know, it’s a little too late for a new year’s post but it’s 2018 and yeah, so many things do not really matter now, right? 🤭

Haha!

Well I think I just needed a little more time to get in tune with my wretchedness before I could even think of getting back to writing. To be honest, I really had so much trouble reviving myself a couple of times last year.

And oh, what a long year it was.

So I put the Christmas lights on in our room tonight, and for the last time because I’m thinking of taking them down this week, while writing and rewriting, and deciding on how to put so many things in my life in perspective.

Which also makes me think that maybe I’ll just keep the lights up until Valentine’s Day, 🤔 or perhaps I’ll just keep them up for the whole year so we have orange lights inside the room, right? haha. 😆

Anyway, let us not stray, ahhh, new year finally!!! 🤗

So how did the past year go?

Well 2017 was heady, and quite sadder, and a tad more out of place than the other years.

But don’t get me wrong, I know I’m perennially sad but last year was a steady pale gray sky all over – mostly rain, little sunshine.

I don’t know how it had been for you. And I’m not sure if I’d been totally open about my perennial blues here.

I’m actually quite a cheery person in general (and if I’m to be more objective about it). It’s just that I’m a little more sad than what most people think me to be, no not lonely, just sad, perennially sad.

And I think it may have had taken over much of the past year, and I’m sorry about it. But what can I do? It’s true what they say – we can only take so much.

But since I’m not even sure if people notice it, I guess we’re just as good eh?

Anyway, I know.

I know I’m supposed to write about the many things I should be thankful for. I am quite thankful for 2017 actually – for a stable job, a healthy and happy family, grad school, many dreams and plans slowly coming true, really good friends, and a lot more blessings, some I don’t even deserve.

But I don’t know, perhaps you just can’t take the sad girl out of the thankful girl. You know that?

And as much as I want to tell you all about it, that’s basically how I can best describe the whole of it, which is more of a conundrum actually. haha. Perhaps a scholarship for further studies may help me explain it better? 🤗😆

But here’s the thing. Even if I am perennially sad, I still do believe that happiness is an everyday state of mind — however tedious, however short, however fleeting.

And I don’t want to subscribe to the idea that happiness is an end, coz what if, despite everything, the end is not happy?

It may be fitting, it may be peaceful, it may be serendipitous, it may be everything else, but it may not be happy.

I’d like to think, instead, that happiness is a means to an end, a way to a finality, somewhat a journey towards somewhere.

That way, the end does not matter, right?

And it does not need to.

It does not have to, anymore.

🌻

Anyway, I hope you don’t get too bothered by my existentialist points-of-view at the start of the year. 😅

All I’m saying is that as you get older, you’ll realize how life allows you to appreciate, understand, and embrace its beauty, its pains, its wonders, and its madness all together, not in the end of it all, but in the everyday that you are breathing, and struggling, and living it.

Let’s all be a little happier this 2018 then?

All my love,
XX