I had wanted to write so bad lately, because I had deeply felt that I needed a decent headspace (all meanings apply 😆) to toggle my thoughts (back and forth) with these days.
Everything’s just so crammed up in there 😩, that I sometimes feel how it’s only a matter of time when, one day, I’ll take sudden fall somewhere and die from an imagined asphyxia.
Change is a curious thing.
We all want it.
I had wanted some of it too, for a time.
But, oh god, when it comes and it decides to exquisitely unfold before our eyes, we get cold feet, and panic and run to a corner and hyperventilate.
I think that is also what getting stuck somewhere (for a long time) makes you feel confusedly—
Where the promise of sparkly, and shiny new things will somehow feel foreign, and daunting, and uncannily quite foreboding. And so you run back (again), and cling to the warmth of your old life’s usual comforts, and you’ll just realize, one day, how you’ve not reached any point thereafter, because you’ve so foolishly stayed stuck.
Ahhh, it’s a vicious cycle, I could say.
And I’m getting a bad headache while I think of how to finish this thought dump.
What I actually just want to say is that I’m scared of a lot of things. My imagination and how it can possibly build and destroy my life is, truth be told, way beyond me.
But I do trust that being extra patient and faithful, and kind, and very diligent in life has its rewards.
Ahhh, also, I’ll miss cebu.
I’ll miss the friends I’ve made, and the family I’ve found and have grown to sincerely love.
I’ll miss that old, independent self that I’ll leave here when I go.
I’ll miss so many beautiful, and wonderful things.
I’ll miss this most passionate language I’ll ever know.
I’ll miss the city lights, and the sunsets, and the quiet Sundays.
I’ll miss the noise (I think 😅) And the crowds (I also think 😅).
I’ll miss the warmth that I never fail to see everywhere.
I’ll miss the city high (something, I think, I’ll never really get used to, but I’ll still miss, nonetheless).
I’ll miss everything that makes cebu so dear to me. 😭
But yeah, change is curious, as much as it is inevitable.
And like the many cities that I’ve lived in, all these years, cebu will always have a special place in my heart.
Ahhhh, salamat kaayo, sugbo, mobalik ra nya ko, puhon. 🌻❤️