Hello.

I know.

It’s been a really, really long time.

I did not plan to write anything here if it did not feel like a rightmost time. But I think the right time just pours on you on a random Sunday late night, like water from a badly calibrated shower heater. It burns when it touches your skin and your scalp, and yet you realize it’s the only way to feel things. 🙂‍↕️

Reading the last post I have here feels like reading something from many, many lifetimes ago.

And when I look at myself in the eye, in the mirror at the back of my computer, I see the many lifetimes those same eyes have seen pass by, like a dream. Also like a nightmare that just mutates and never ends.

But yah, hello.

I hope you’ve all been well, my friends.

I was supposed to be working tonight. But here I am, in front of the computer, fumbling with words and thoughts and feelings, while the Holy Rosary on you tube is playing in the background. Every Hail Mary I say with the audio guide, is both a supplication and a pining for something obscure and wordless and disfigured.

Is it peace, is it happiness, is it success? Or is it perhaps love or hope or a totally different life I’m praying for, every night? I don’t know.

I don’t know.

But here we are looking at ourselves in the eye, in the mirror. Calling to the jarred soul who owns those eyes. Wishing that the whole conceptual framework of prayers were simple. Knowing fully well that it’s not, but praying anyway.

Yes, hello.

Let this weird, new post be my silent prayer for you.

Whether yours is a supplication or a pining for something tangible or real or exacting, or an anguish like mine that’s obscure and wordless and disfigured.

Maybe it is peace or happiness or success. Or love or hope or a totally different life.

May you find it, and write about it at a rightmost time.