I’ve always thought that when I come to this point in life, I’d be that cranky cat lady I’ve always imagined I’d be, witch-cursing nosy kids trying to get into my boho home filled with books and plants and cats and magical stuff; if I was not married early & with children.
But I am neither both now (surprise ) because who’d have thought that, up to now, I’d still be trailing grad school and juggling so many things else at the same time?
Nobody ever said that when you reach this age, you’d be most comfortable with yourself and your life decisions. Like seriously.
What they actually always tell you, is that when you’re 30++ and living a rather different life, you’d often feel lacking somewhere, somehow when you compare your life to the world’s standards.
Maybe that’s because we were all shaped by norms (and kinda brainwashed by the older generations) that by this age you should be like this and like that, having this and that, even if that means swimming in outrageous debts, getting trapped in toxic relationships, being held up by a career you did not even choose, or living a life you are never really happy about.
I’m just glad that the universe let me keep my free spirit with me until now, and made me take on my battles purposefully. I’m grateful too that I was given a platform (and an ability of sorts) to write (or rant) about life when everything gets too complex to process.
I’m also very fortunate to have had lots of opportunities to grow and thrive and share my life gifts to other people.
But it does not stop here, right?
I don’t even know where or how we’ll ever stop.
Today I just want to eat cake, and blow as many candles with free wishes as I can, and say thank you to the universe and to so many people for the many things I usually forget to thank the Lord for.
I can only look back, and think of how long and tedious and winding and circuitous the journey has been. Like heck, nothing was ever easy, but mind you it had always been worthwhile and beautiful.
And in the process, I’ve made peace with my realities—
that all things happen for a reason,
that some things should remain star-crossed, I guess,
that while some things are meant to be, there are things that are never meant for you,
that all roads, however twisted, lead to a wiser you in the end,
that acceptance is always key,
that love, however complex, is always worth the try, always worth the sacrifices, always worth the uncertainties.
In fact, if my life was a novel, I’d buy a hardbound version of it. Haha.
Anyway, so tomorrow I’ll go and be off the grid so I can strictly focus on my review. I really intend to pass this last & final exam for MPM.
So yeah, please do pray for me.
I’ll miss you all (for a while, haha) and I’ll see you on the other side of this hurdle.
I wish you all peace, hope, joy & love (parang Christmas lang haha).
Let me propose a toast to myself as in my last post:
To acing compre this October, to Sablay #2, to License #2, to PhD, to chasing dreams still, to life & love & brighter days.
To 31 and not (yet) settling, haha, #Cheers!
Happy birthday to me.