stillness & chasing

23 September 2019

Contemplating on the shore this quiet morning, and I find it terribly confusing to be confronted by a stillness like this in the cruel chaos that is my life.

Maybe when you’re so used to the endless muddling of missed opportunities, wrong choices, unfortunate circumstances, and convoluted uncertainties, you forget how there will always be a stillness somewhere—

in quiet mornings like this,
in a different hue of sky (also like this),
in the waters gently crashing to shore,
in the shuffling of the wind,
in this dog quietly sitting with you in your reverie,
in the eyes of these many, many souls badly wanting to tell you stories,
in your long and, most probably, perpetual solitude,
in your lows, and very very lows, and mids and highs,
in that crudely & shamelessly bruised, & beaten up heart that every day chooses to fight still,
and in that soul that sincerely yearns for the good of this universe.

I’m turning thirty one on Monday 😱

<cue in song> 🎶wake me up, when September ends🎶

And as I always say, I’ve actually stopped counting since I turned twenty seven. Haha.

But today it hit me, like every glaring epiphany does—
How it has been so long since I’ve sat down and reflected deeply.
How I’m still wondering if the future I seek is still there beyond the haze.
How life is not a race, no really, it actually isn’t.
How, perhaps, the reason why I am terribly confused by a stillness like this is because I’ve forgotten that there are quite a lot of things that I actually deserve–
-like the very peace & stillness that confronts me now,
the burning hopes, and lofty dreams I carry with me,
and of course the love that we all hope will stay, so much more than what we’ve been sharing and giving away.

Maybe it actually takes three decades and a year to unravel a part of you you’ve never seen before. Well of course, it’s only a minor detail that I’m currently in a beautiful, beautiful island far, far away, surrounded by wonderful, wonderful people. Hehe.


Contemplating on the shore this quiet morning, I find solace now, knowing deeply that this stillness will stay, and that I can’t be stopped from chasing more dreams still.
It’s my race, anyway, so I’ll run it my pace.

To acing compre this October, to Sablay #2 & MPM, to License #2, to PhD, to chasing dreams still, to life & love & brighter days.

To 31 and not settling. ✨